Fengtastic!

As some of you may know I have decided, unilaterally, to combine Groundhog Day with Valentine’s Day. This new, leaner (in some respects) holiday is to be called Valenhog Day.

Here is the start of a fabulous new line of greeting cards to celebrate the day.

You are my little Valenhog
your fleece is brown like dirt
but when we both go out to brunch
it makes my wallet hurt

I’d love to give you candy
and all kinds of sweety things
but if your ass gets any bigger
you will trash my Chevy’s springs

It’s not that I don’t love you
nothing’s farther from the truth
it’s just that you no longer
fit through a tollway booth

We’ve been through a lot my dear
(not the booth mentioned above)
if I haven’t made you into bacon yet
you know that it’s true love